Benefits or Backbone? 4 Reasons to Stop Wasting Time in a Bad Relationship


By: Ankunda Carrolyn

Growing up as a Non-Christian, all I ever wanted was a man who could love me, spoil me with gifts, provide for me, and take care of me (which isn’t bad, by the way). My spiritual eyes had not been opened yet to the importance of marrying a spiritual man. I later realized that the beauty of a relationship with a mature, spiritual man is you get the full package. You get the love, care, and, above all, the fulfillment that comes with worshipping and praising God together.

Back to my story. I spent over two years dating an ungodly man and, I must admit, life was good. Whenever I needed money for hair, it was right there. Whenever I desired anything like pretty clothes, shoes, bags etc., he always made sure I got it. I felt comfortable with that kind of life. I felt happy and contented but…empty. Every time I tried to get closer to God, this man distracted me. I felt guilty every second we made love. I would whimper but he couldn’t understand why.

I decided, with unwavering determination, that enough was enough.

Time passed and I confided in someone about how I felt. Their advice: ”You have come a long way with him. You can’t leave him now. I’s a bit late and you may not easily find someone else.” In my head, I was convinced more than ever that ending the relationship was the right decision to make. Still, I stuck around because I was scared of being alone and broke. Not only that, but the whole idea of being single scared the freaking hell out of me.

Then, alone, on a cold Monday morning, I decided, with unwavering determination, that enough was enough. I grew a backbone and realized I was tired. I was tired of being controlled, tired of being so vulnerable, tired of being highly reliant on him, and, above all, tired of feeling empty. Life was tough the next couple of days, but no amount of words can express the elation I felt having made that decision.

If you feel stuck in a bad relationship, here are four reasons to grow a backbone and cut him loose regardless of his “benefits.”

God Promises to Supply All of Your Needs

Okay. Crack open the Bible for a second and read Philippians 4:19. Note that God says “all,” not some. Ladies, don’t allow that man to be your source of provision. God is and will always be. God is not man that he should lie or change his mind. He will fulfill your desires as long it’s in line with his will.

Enough of the Suffocation – It’s Time to Breathe Again

Why stay with someone who suffocates you? The Bible says to “Rejoice always.” But it’s hard to rejoice with an empty, bitter heart. Pay no heed to the bad advice from friends. God has got you in the palm of his hands and he will take care of you. Get up and leave at once without looking back. Don’t let him deceive you into thinking he will change. God is the only one who can change a person. You can’t. All you can do is pray for him and surrender him to God.

Remember that Life is too Short to Live a Miserable Life

I keep telling my friends that life is what you make it. If you choose to stay depressed, sad, or sulky over a man who isn’t even your husband, then that’s your choice. Life has presented us with choices. and It’s up to us to make wise ones. You deserve to be happy. You deserve a good, happy and fulfilling relationship. It won’t just come out of the blue. It takes effort. It takes prayer. It takes living a holy and pure life in total surrender to God. Get supportive Christian friends who will uplift you and pray with you and within no time, you will experience immense joy and peace.

Get up ladies and do the things you love while you wait for the best from God. Adopt a hobby. Maybe your man was suppressing your career or talent. Now is the time to fulfill all the potential that’s inside of you.

Try Every Ounce of Greatness You Feel

Lastly, I want to assure you that it won’t be easy, especially considering the memories you have shared with this person. Everywhere you go and look will remind you of him. But keep this in mind: You left him because you wanted to pursue God. You did it for God who is a thousand times better than your ex!!! Also, remember that God comes first in everything so idolizing your man is so wrong.

Ms. Ankunda Carrolyn is an inspectorate officer with the Inspectorate Government in Uganda. She loves writing stories, reading and motivating people. She is so passionate about helping the society and people around her especially when it comes to relationships, finances and career. To learn more about Carrolyn Ankunda, visit her Facebook page.

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