The Key to Achieving Forever Closeness With Your Spouse


Do you desire to be closer to your spouse? If you do, then do you know what that really means? Let me start by saying that the generic idea of this article, ways to be “close” to your spouse, can be Googled and found all over the internet. Whether it’s spiritually close, physically close, emotionally close, all of the above and then some, neither the concept nor the answers offered typically yield much of anything new. So, why add to the pile? Well, I’m hoping you walk away with something a bit different this time.

Anyone who’s been married any length of time will tell you that closeness with anyone, in this case your life partner, takes time to develop. But there are couples who may achieve a high level of closeness in a year while it takes others ten times that to get to the same level. To an outsider looking in, they appear to be doing the same things…you know, following the advice of other articles:

  • Have a date night each week
  • Write encouraging notes/text messages
  • Vacation without the kids
  • Be open and vulnerable with them
  • Treat them the way you want to be treated

Those suggestions are great and are truly just the tip of the iceberg. But let’s take a look at two key elements to being close to your spouse that are rarely, if ever, mentioned.

Nurture Your Energy

Okay, Joann. What kind of psycho-babble is this? I know right. But before you dismiss the caption above as nonsense, allow my near 16 years of marriage to explain. There is no doubt in my mind that my husband loves me and would do absolutely anything for me. In some form or another, he demonstrates it every single day. But, even with all of that love, there was a point in our marriage when things got seriously rocky.

Somewhere along the way, I stopped loving myself. I don’t mean full blown depression or anything like that. I mean, dreams I once had became futile. Passions I once embraced lost their appeal. The person I promised to grow into was no longer important. The woman my husband married was now an empty shell void of self care, passion, and joy. Half the energy it took to make our marriage work was being sapped away and my husband, nor could any man, carry our relationship on his own. The distance between us was all-encompassing and seemed to widen everyday.

If you can relate, then you recognize that the shift back to life begins only when you begin to nurture yourself from the inside out once again. Begin your journey back by being honest about where you are and how you got there. Then begin to get close to yourself again. Get close to your passion. Get close to the things that bring you joy. Get close to your talents. Everyday, set aside time to be with your best friend…you.

Once I chose me over everything else, my outlook, and ultimately my energy, was almost palpable. As a result, I could now give my husband the chance to bridge the gap and be close to me. This leads me to what comes next.

Nurture Your Spouse’s Energy

This part is easier, quicker, and more fun to explain. Taking care of yourself first means that you will give yourself what you need to take care of, love, and be close to your spouse. Both internally and externally, couple’s feed off of each other’s energy. Once you have your mojo back, it becomes exponentially easier to share it while equally allowing yourself to feed off of your mate’s.

In my case, once I reinvigorated and began to nurture my own energy by taking care of me, I found my passion and joy and I began to grow into the woman my husband married all over again. As a result, the pathways to physical, emotional, and spiritual closeness reopened. The things that held us back from truly being close could be cast aside and the suggestions offered by all the other articles became no-brainers.

I truly believe the key to closeness with your spouse is found in how well you treat yourself. I’m sure the idea is not as sexy as you had hoped, but it’s real, and it begins the forever closeness you long for with your spouse.

BMWK, what are some ways you can take care of yourself first?

About the author

Joann Fisher wrote 109 articles on this blog.

Joann Fisher has been a writer and editor for both print and online newpapers and magazines for the last 10 years. She now serves as a Writer/Editor at BMWK and lead Editor for The Joy Network.

More available at BlackandMarriedwithKids.com. Link to article https://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/2017/09/the-key-to-achieving-forever-closeness-with-your-spouse/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=the-key-to-achieving-forever-closeness-with-your-spouse.