Too Comfortable? 5 Ways to Breathe Life into Your Dull Marriage


By: Dr. George James

Has your relationship lost its spark? Maybe you and your partner have become too comfortable with each other and you don’t make the effort anymore.  The good thing is that this is a normal phase in every relationship.  The bad thing is, if you allow your relationship to get stuck in this phase, you could either see the end of your love partnership or at best be in a passion-less relationship.

One solution to reviving the spark in your relationship and rebuilding the connection between you and your partner is a regular date night.  When you first met, you most likely went out on multiple dates.  These dates allowed you to grow closer, get to know each other, have fun and gave you opportunities to express your passion.

Over time, you stopped going out with each other, which means you stopped getting to know each other, stopped having as much fun, and stopped expressing your passion with each other.  You became too comfortable and stopped trying.  It’s not too late to change this. You can go on a date night tonight.  Today is the day that you can go from not really knowing each other anymore to having fun again.

 5 Common Sense Tips to Help Bring Life to a Dull Marriage

  1. Don’t Get Too Comfortable – It’s easy to eventually stop paying attention to your partner. You become more focused on yourself and less on your partner.  The more this happens, distance increases between the two of you and you settle. You get Too Comfortable.  Don’t let this happen. Work hard to stay connected and enjoy your relationship.
  2. Turn the TV, Phone & Tablet Off – We are all plugged in. We see every text, tweet, email and the latest show.  We stream, post and snap.  Unfortunately being tuned in to everything can sometimes keep us from being present with our partner.  Sometimes we have to go off the grid so that we can stay focused on the person we love.  Try it today.  Turn the tv, phone and tablet off and spend time with your partner.
  3. Make Time for Date Night – Do you have a regular Date Night? If not, you should start this week.  The goal is to set time aside to go on a date you’re your partner every week or every other week.  The date does not have to be expensive or out of the house.  You just need to have a dedicated day and time for you both to connect with each other. Look at your calendars and set a day & time today.
  4. Not Sure What To Do? Here are Some Date Night Ideas – Maybe you have the time to go on a date but you are not sure what to do or what to say. Doing nothing can feel like the best thing to do. But doing nothing increases the distance, boredom and monotony.  Best way to solve this is to get help. Click Here to Download the FREE BMWK “111 Fun Date Night Ideas” Guide
  5. Grow Together, Instead of Apart – When you become too comfortable in your relationship it can become easier to devalue your partner. As a result, distance increases and you find yourself growing apart from the person you love. Make the commitment today to stop the distance, spend time with your partner and grow together.

Too Comfortable, the sixth episode, of the new web series Funny Married Stuff highlights the dynamic mentioned above as a couple uses a humorous approach to discuss what it takes to not fall into the trap of being too comfortable.  This couple shows that they are willing to do what it takes to keep it fresh and keep the spark alive.

Maybe you find yourself in a similar situation as the couple in the episode or you relate to the example above.  Here are some steps you can take to discuss how to maintain your connection and keep the spark alive.  Date nights are essential in helping couples to feel like romantic partners instead of business partners.

For more episodes and information about Funny Married Stuff go to www.funnymarriedstuff.com and www.youtube.com/funnymarriedstuff.

Dr. George James, LMFT speaks, counsels, consults, coaches and teaches people how to overcome difficult relationships problems and build successful happy connections. James has been a reoccurring expert on many radio, TV and online programs. He is also a reoccurring relationship contributor to Ebony magazine. James is a staff therapist and an AAMFT-approved supervisor at Council For Relationships.  Find out more about Dr. George James at GeorgeTalks.com.

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