MadameNoire
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Since I am a therapist, people often use it against me. They assume that when I am having an issue, that I am should tell myself what I would tell my client. They assume that my problem solving or conflict resolution skills should be based on what I would tell my clients to do. I do use my better judgment when making decisions, but because I am a therapist when someone doesn’t agree with something I feel or said, they bring up my profession and insinuate that they expected better because I am a therapist. This is not only insulting but infuriating. It is inconsiderate to think that a therapist is supposed to make themselves small so someone else can feel like a giant.
Being a therapist doesn’t mean I am going to ignore my feelings. I go through things just like everyone else but because of my career, people expect me to put other’s feelings first and then base how I respond on how someone else feels instead of my own feelings. Being a mental health professional doesn’t mean I need to always set myself on fire to keep others warm. I put other people’s feelings first while I am at work. In my personal life, I always make sure to give my feelings the floor. This doesn’t mean I ignore other’s feelings, but I am not going to silence mine. Being a therapist doesn’t mean I always have to be accepting, forgiving and tolerant. I will always be reasonable, fair and understanding but I will not let anyone make me feel bad for acknowledging or expressing my feelings. My feelings are just as valid as everyone else’s.
Being a therapist doesn’t mean I want to be your therapist. In many of my relationships, people come to me for therapeutic input or even help with paperwork. I don’t believe that anyone has ever considered that sometimes I don’t always want to lend my ear or documentation skills. People assume that because of my background, they can leech off of my skills. I will help anyone, but what bothers me is that when people think I am obligated to help them because I am a social worker. If I say no and refer you to someone else to adhere to my personal boundaries, it’s a problem because “I’m a therapist” and I help people for a living. Yes I am a social worker but that doesn’t mean I want to be your social worker.
Being a therapist doesn’t mean I have to tolerate unacceptable behavior. Whether in my family or in relationships, I have been told that I shouldn’t have a problem with people’s toxic behaviors because I understand them from a clinical standpoint. Yes, I have background in mental health but that doesn’t mean I need to accept the problematic behaviors of people in my personal life who have mental health issues. It’s very inconsiderate to think that a therapist wants to deal with people with issues and accept it just because of their skillset. If I am at work, of course I am going to empathize with my client who is an alcoholic, has bi-polar disorder and generalized anxiety disorder but I even have to implement boundaries with them to maintain our therapeutic relationship.
The moral of the story is that what I do in my career shouldn’t be expected in my personal life.
