MadameNoire
Source: Bonnie Biess / Getty
Have you ever heard the phrase “single until married?” Yesterday Keke Palmer had people all over the internet asking how much of themselves they should commit to giving in a relationship where they’re not yet married to the other person.
Things all got started when Palmer posted a video on her Tik Tok seemingly exasperated as she talked about how men often want to make a woman their girlfriend — assumingly just for title and security purposes — without necessarily wanting to or being ready for the possible long-term commitment that comes that status and in her eyes is supposed to lead to marriage.
“Guys be like, ‘I want you to be my girlfriend,’” Palmer said in the video before dramatically continuing, “But are you going to marry me? Are we ready to take it somewhere out of kid world? Because I’m not trying to be locked into nothing unless you gon lock me in for life — cause we can just kick it and be friends until you’re ready to go.”
In the caption of the clip, she additionally noted, “I don’t believe in girlfriend and boyfriend. I’m single till I’m married. Let’s just kick it love 🙄 .”
Later in the day, she followed up with a tweet that expanded on her Tik Tok more. Since the clip had been making some waves online, Palmer gave details on what her definition of single was — which essentially meant that she wouldn’t be giving anyone the benefit of being able to say that they have her locked down when they haven’t proven that they deserve that type of commitment from here.
“I don’t know who needs to hear this,” her tweet began, “but being single doesn’t mean you’re sleeping with every 1. It means you’re not committing yourself to any1 for less than what you want. The person that wants you all to themselves will rise to the occasion of having that PRIZE #MayTheBESTWin.”
#MillennialTalks #LetsGetIntoIt
I feel like you can get to know someone really well by just being their friend lol. There is no expectations and you can really know a person without them putting on a fake face. I used to think having a gf or bf title meant everything, but all it would do is make me feel restricted and force performative actions based off of the title. I would end up feeling like, it would’ve been better if you had just stayed “my lil friend” haha.
I can be my own boyfriend/girlfriend, pooh. What else u got?
A life partner requires true friendship (according to my mom who’s been married for 32 years 😍 ), if you can offer me true friendship, then hey.. we could be getting somewhere.
#ThisIsHowISeeIt #WhatWorksForYou.
Now even though Palmer isn’t the first person to come up with the phrase, “single until married,” she is the latest to have people thinking about whether they’re selling themselves short by taking on a title that suggests there’s been a commitment made from them or their partner on mutually agreed-upon values and standards for their relationship when that might not be the case. Realistically, Palmer does bring up good points. Many women in their younger years for dating and romance might put “being a girlfriend” on a pedestal that it doesn’t necessarily need to be on — especially if the other person (ie. your boyfriend/partner) isn’t rising up to the level that they should in order to earn locking you down with that title. As we get older and more independent, it does become easier to “be your own boyfriend/girlfriend” — so with that in mind, it’s not wrong that Palmer is expecting men to come prepared with what else they can bring to her and a possible relationship besides a title.
In the comments of The Shade Room’s repost of the Tik Tok that ignited the conversation, users had mixed opinions on what Palmer had to say. A popular comment with over 15,000 Likes disagreed with what the star argued and said, “No, you have to show commitment first to prove you can do it in a marriage. Act single be single.” Relatedly, another user said of Palmer’s reasoning, “That makes no sense. You have to build up to a marriage. Put the work in.” Other users wrote, “U gotta go through the boyfriend/girlfriend stage before you get married,” and “If you can’t be committed and faithful before we’re married, why would I believe that you would be after?🤷🏽♀️ “
As we’ve all heard before, one user said, “Well according to taxes… we don’t check ‘I’m in a relationship’ 😑 .” Following up on that, another classically, added, “The IRS says you’re single until you’re married.”
Interestingly enough, others argued that “If a man said this I promise y’all wouldn’t agree with this at all” — and one user went as far as to say to Palmer’s point, “Okay when your man pops up with another woman and tells you he was single….see how you feel then 🤷🏾♀️ .”
What do y’all think — is being “single until married” the best way to go about prioritizing your wants and needs first when it comes to dating in this era?
