MadameNoire
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Dear Ashley, a weekly sex column in which Sex Expert Ashley Cobb answers your most intimate questions. Nothing is off-limits! From threesomes, anal sex, finding the right sex toy and everything in between. Have a sex question, Ashley “Your Favorite Friend In Filth” has an answer. For questions on sex email Ashley at ashley@sexwithashley.com
Dear Ashley,
I’ve been getting a little frustrated with my man lately. Sex is BOMB and always good but lately, I’ve been getting a little bored because he is so selfish! He loves getting head (which I don’t mind doing at all) but NEVER wants to return the favor. Over the past five years, he’s probably given me head four times. He just doesn’t like doing it. He’s also stingy with affection too. I like foreplay and he rarely does it. I’ve spoken up about it soo many times but nothing changes. What should I do?
Dear Ms. Frustrated,
Oh, no baby! What is you doin?!?! You must have never heard the saying you have to lick it before you stick it. The answer to your question is really simple. It contains one word. STOP! Stop giving him head. Stop having sex with him. STOP! STOP! STOP! He does not care about your pleasure and why should he, if you don’t? You have allowed him to have his cake (sex) and eat it too (head) why would he do anything different? You have to teach people how to engage with you, that includes sexually. You are giving him all the control and that’s a huge no-no. Sex is about BOTH participants enjoying the experience and if everything goes to plan, BOTH having orgasms by the end of it. You have to flip the script. If you don’t get head, he doesn’t either. Let him know we BOTH getting head tonight or we not having sex at all. After countless nights of blue balls and being sexually frustrated, he will either get with the program and become more of a reciprocal sexual partner or find sex elsewhere. Either way, you shouldn’t care because your cooch is being deprived. A caring, reciprocal sexual partner exists and you deserve one.
Countless women miss out on great pleasurable sex because they feel they can not change their situation. They are with men who are only concerned about their nut and not able pleasing them. I’m here to let you and them know that, Jesus did not die for this! You should not be sexually unsatisfied in a five-year relationship. No maam! And he doesn’t do any type of foreplay either?? Throw the whole man away! For most women foreplay is SEX! We need foreplay to get us going because penis is rarely enough. 75% of women need clitoral stimulation to orgasm at all and he doesn’t want to give head or do foreplay. Chile, abort misson. Go find you a man that eats coochie, Sis!
Ashley Cobb, is the millennial microphone that brings the conversation of Black women’s pleasure to the forefront. Creator of digital platform Sex With Ashley, her work and words have been featured in Cosmopolitan, Men’s Health, Shape Magazine, Business Insider and Huffington Post. Follow her on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter via @sexwithashley
