MadameNoire
Source: PixelsEffect / Getty
Dear Ashley, a weekly sex column in which Sex Expert Ashley Cobb answers your most intimate questions. Nothing is off-limits! From threesomes, anal sex, finding the right sex toy and everything in between. Have a sex question, Ashley “Your Favorite Friend In Filth” has an answer. For questions on sex email Ashley at ashley@sexwithashley.com
Dear Ashley,
I am a 34-year-old woman who has fallen in love with an amazing man that has no real flaws except he has a small penis. We waited to have sex until after feelings had developed so I was unaware of the size in the beginning. If I had to guesstimate his penis is probably around 4-4.5 inches erect. Any tips, tricks, or expert advice on how to discuss the issue with him. When I am on top I can hardly feel any friction. He’s very attentive and passionate. I don’t want to be shallow, I really do care about him. However I am worried about the long term.
Hey,
This is why I say F— before Feelings! That way you can assess early on if the sex is something you can deal with long term. Whew, 4.5 inches….yea that’s small. The truth of the matter is , we all have sexual preferences and that’s ok. I don’t necessarily need 10 inches but I don’t want 4 inches either. Not to penis shame or anything because unfortunately men don’t determine the penis length they will be born with. They just have to make do with whatever cards they’re dealt. HOWEVER COMMA this doesn’t mean you have to, especially since you guys are not married– you have options, Sis. I do think before you leave you should explore every possible solution, he’s a good man and you love him. Sex can still be pleasurable with a 4 inch penis. It just may take a “little” more creativity.
Men with small penises oftentimes overcompensate for what they lack in their pants by using their mouth. I put this on everything I love, the best head I’ve ever received came from a man with a Vienna sausage. That being said, you guys could focus more on oral sex and incorporate a dildo in the mix to provide you with that full feeling of a larger penis. There are also things called “penis extender sleeves” that provide extra length, girth and enhance penetration. Sleeves are made out of silicone, flexible and provide amazing sensation for both partners. They feel natural to you and are comfortable for him. When it comes to “positioning” aim for ones that provide deeper penetration. Doggy Style, Side Saddle and Reverse Cowgirls are the best three to maximize penetration.
End of the day you’re going to have to explore together to see what works and if after several trials and errors you still come up empty handed then it may be time to have another conversation.
Ashley Cobb, is the millennial microphone that brings the conversation of Black women’s pleasure to the forefront. Creator of digital platform Sex With Ashley, her work and words have been featured in Cosmopolitan, Men’s Health, Shape Magazine, Business Insider and Huffington Post. Follow her on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter via @sexwithashley
