MadameNoire
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Dear Ashley,
Monday I had sex with this man who was amazing in bed. I’m excited about the next session; however, I’m not getting repeat vibes. It’s been three days and from previous experiences most men DM, inbox, or text you ‘Good Morning’ the next day or something. This man did nothing. I don’t wanna be overzealous and hit him up, so what should I do keep my mind off it?
Hey!
Why do we as women wait on the man to always make the first move? I mean, I know why — society teaches us that as women we can not be too eager or seem too pressed. It’s dumb. All these rules are dumb. Like girl, if you enjoyed that man’s time and his penis it is perfectly okay to let him know. Sis, send this man a text and tell him good morning! Let him know how much you enjoyed the experience and that you’re looking forward to the next time you two link up. I mean think about it, wouldn’t you want someone to express to you how much they enjoyed your time? That they enjoyed your company and will be looking forward to the next time they see you? Wouldn’t that just make your day?
I remember some time ago, when I was– you know out here in these streets *coughs*–there was this guy with whom I really enjoyed spending my free time. But because– societal norms, I would never express it. One day he asked, ‘Do you like me?’ I thought this was odd because, duh I like you. I’m here all the time, you cant tell I like you? So I respond, ‘Yes I like you, why you ask?’ He says because you never say it and only come over if I call. It was at that moment I realized men need reassurance too. Quiet as it is kept, men are just as nervous if not more nervous and have the very same questions rolling round in their heads about dating and sex that we have. While you are sitting here driving yourself crazy and playing these different scenarios over in your head for the millionth time, you could have just sent a text by now and had an answer. No need to overthink when all you need to do is communicate. There is no magic timeline for texting.
Think of it this way, if you desire someone that communicates and doesn’t play games then be the thing you’re looking for. There are plenty of open, communicative people in the world. If you’re not sharing your feelings and communicating openly with a potential partner because you’re afraid you’ll scare them away, then is that really someone you should be having sex with? It’s exhausting playing guessing games! So, girl text that man!! A quick message will save you from stressing and will let you know where the two of you stand. Don’t fall victim to the dating game rules. Reach out!
Ashley Cobb, is the millennial microphone that brings the conversation of Black women’s pleasure to the forefront. To submit your sex questions email her at ashley@sexwithashley.com
