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Dear Ashley, a weekly sex column in which Sex Expert Ashley Cobb answers your most intimate questions. Nothing is off-limits! Have a sex question, Ashley, “Your Favorite Friend In Filth,” has an answer. For questions on sex, email Ashley at ashley@sexwithashley.com
Dear Ashley,
My boyfriend is 40 and I’m 26. He loves porn a lot and I think it is affecting our sex life. I asked him to get rid of the pornography on his phone which he has done. He has even offered for me to go through his phone, but I said that I shouldn’t have to do that. He said before we dated he was single for three years which I know is true; he used porn and would masturbate every few days, but now we seem to have problems having sex.
He usually drinks a liter of jack daniels a night, and we do have sex while drunk. But he seems to have problems either staying hard, or the sex doesn’t last very long. I could understand when we first started dating, but it’s been a year now and we only have sex every month or so. I’ve expressed that I’m unhappy with this and want to have sex more. Maybe it’s because I’m younger than him, idk. Please help.
Sincerely,
I wanna hump,
Dear Ms. Young and Sexless,
Your boyfriend doesn’t have a porn problem or an age problem–he has a drinking problem. Dare I say he’s a stone-cold alcoholic. Alcohol can negatively affect men’s libido and sexual performance. Your man drinks a liter of liquor every night. I’m surprised he can get an erection at all to be honest. Excessive drinking makes it hard to get or keep an erection. Alcohol interferes with the messengers in the brain that tell the penis to fill with blood. Alcohol also reduces the production of testosterone which is the hormone that controls male sexual functions. Reduction in testosterone leads to lower sex drive. Your boyfriend has alcohol-induced erectile dysfunction (ED). Now this problem can be rectified if your boyfriend stops drinking.
The question you have to ask yourself as a 26-year-old is do you really want to be in a relationship with an alcoholic whose penis doesn’t work? Can he stop drinking? Sure. Will he? We don’t know. Is ED reversible? Yes, but will he put in the necessary work which includes not drinking excessively? Who knows? Tell him you believe his drinking is causing him performance issues and sees what happens. If he stops drinking then he’s willing to work on the issue. If he doesn’t stop drinking, chuck him the deuces. You’re young and young coochie is high-value coochie to men. You can find another man. Leave Mr. Cant Get Up alone and go find someone who’s not an alcoholic with a working dick.
Ashley Cobb is the millennial microphone that brings the conversation of Black women’s pleasure to the forefront. Creator of digital platform Gossip And Gasms, her work and words have been featured in M
