MadameNoire
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In a recent interview, journalist and media personality Jason Lee asked Angela Simmons about a past relationship she’d been in that’d been physically abusive. Amidst his questions — which included asking the “extent” of abuse she’d been a victim of — a slightly teary-eyed Simmons spoke her truth as a strong and independent woman who also happened to be a victim of abuse.
“Was it abusive to the extent that you were like punched or bruised and battered?” Lee asked Simmons during a recent interview for Hollywood Unlocked. “Going back to our original question, I look at you as being so strong and independent and there are a lot of women out there — one of my sisters, Belinda, who was also beat by her man — you know she seemed strong and came from a strong family. We didn’t know she was getting beat until we found out — was it that bad?”
In her response to his question, Simmons noted that while the relationship was physically violent, she wouldn’t use the word “punched” to describe what she was subjected to. “Hands [were] thrown and things [were] thrown at me — enough where there were bruises. It wasn’t okay and it definitely wasn’t right and I knew when enough was enough.”
At its root, Lee’s question fell in line with an outdated and false view of how many still, unfortunately, frame how and why women find themselves as victims of violence (physical, emotional, verbal, financial, and otherwise) in romantic relationships.
Asking Simmons to detail the “extent” of the abuse she experienced in that relationship was wrong. Not only did it put her in a situation where she could have been triggered by having to rethink about the lowest points of that time in her life in an attempt to categorize their severity from “least harmful to most hurtful” so that she could respond to his question — but it also insidiously extended the notion that some of the various extents of abuse women go through should be taken more seriously than others.
Another thing that’s problematic about the way Lee posed his question to Simmons is the fact that he contextualized it by sharing that his sister experienced physical violence in a past relationship of hers despite him and their family always thinking of her as a “strong and independent” woman from a “strong family.”
It wasn’t wrong for Lee to bring up his sister — he might have even done so in an attempt to try to show compassion and empathy to Simmons by saying even though he hadn’t experienced what she went through on a personal level, someone close to him had. That being said, mentioning that he was surprised to hear his sister had been a victim of physical abuse in a relationship from her past because she’d “seemed” to be all the things he described her as (ie. strong, independent, from strong family) all further the stereotype that women who suffer from physical abuse are a specific type with a specific background. Poignantly, it doesn’t reflect the reality of the world we live in, in which any person from any financial background, race, occupation, and/or overall status can fall victim to abuse. Moreover, saying that he always thought of Simmons as a woman with the same attributes he’d assigned his sister subtly diminishes those characteristics within her, as if they’re dependant on whether or not she’d gone through that physically abusive relationship.
At the end of the day, any type of abuse from one person to another should be regarded as a red flag, and furthermore, if at any point someone feels unsafe because of their partner’s actions towards them or in their relationship then it should be a sign that it’s time move on to a healthier situation as soon as you can. To read more about Simmons’ campaign to help survivors of abuse, click here.
